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So You Want To Be A Woodworker by Rick Fox |
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Chapter #3 - Assembly
This is the step where you realize that you didn't label all the little parts you cut out. So, in order to not look like a fool in the presence of your family, just announce, "Hey, everybody! Let's see who can solve this puzzle I made in the shop!" The trick here is to immediately distract everybody as soon as the project gets assembled correctly. Like, "Oh my God!!! The house is on fire!! Everybody outside - Quick!!" Then, while they are running and screaming, grab your air nailer and nail everything together. Excuse me? What do you mean you didn't buy... Oh, never mind. On the other hand, if nobody in your family (or any of the neighbors, either) can figure out what the thing is, be sure to console them and say, "What a bunch of idiots! - I guess I'll have to make the next puzzle a little easier". Now, some people will tell you that beautiful woodworking projects shouldn't be assembled with an air nailer. There are even some fanatics out there who say you shouldn't even use nails. HAH! Isn't that a riot? If anyone asks you if you are going to use dovetails, avoid that person at all costs. Dovetailing is a method of joinery that is only used by traveling magicians who set up booths at trade shows. They use sleight-of-hand to create marvelous patterns of multiple dovetailed corners, and then try to get you to buy a $400 jig that will allow you to do the same thing at home. Right. And if you buy a brush and some paint, you can also paint the Mona Lisa on your deck. |